Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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