i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
