OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
FUCK WHALES
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
