the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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