Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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