in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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