Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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