I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
