last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
