paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
