I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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