just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
