I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
