His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
