Where is the hickey?
Welp...herpes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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