fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
