I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
