Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
