I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
