I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
