For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
