I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
