apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
