Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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