it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
