so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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