Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
