and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
