I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
