It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
