What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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