The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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