Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
