I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
