ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
