I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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