The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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