tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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