I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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