Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
