In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
