as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
