some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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