Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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