my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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