Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
