What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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