bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
