Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
