I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
