carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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