Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
