You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
