I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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