she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
