it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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