Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
