Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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