If i come over, it means nothing
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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