Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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