how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
where does the pee come out of this thing
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
